Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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