i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
