Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
