it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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