gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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