sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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