how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
