I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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