I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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