no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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