Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize