PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
