So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
