just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
