Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
