I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
