we have officially lost it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
