I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
