I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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