Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
