I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
