i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
