Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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