I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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