from now on my penis is your penis
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
