Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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