Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
