I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
