Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
