420 ftw
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
