I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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