Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
