Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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