he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
