Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Boobs are out for the taking
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
