the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We're too hungover to prance.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
