the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
