okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
