Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
