I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize