my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I could fuck to npr.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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