1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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