just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
