I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
