Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
