Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
