he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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