Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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