So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
