Is it because I queefed?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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