I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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