You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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