Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
tell me about the eggs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
