Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize