I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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