Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
