no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
