i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
