i just wanna soil my oats bro
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
