Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
