apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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