is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
