It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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