My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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