Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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