Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
